Notes from the other side of the darkness
Deeper and deeper understanding and wisdom is coming through as I continue to come up and out of my latest depression and use the tools that felt so useless when I was in the depths of the darkness, clinging to life by mere threads of hope.
Lessons that I caught glimpses of in the past, but wasn’t able to fully grasp until now.
A fuller picture of the cycle and lessons, the unconscious aspects of myself that I was unable to access, that were so deeply hidden underneath layers of subconscious patterning that despite how “aware” I thought I was and how healing much work I have done over the last 20 years- I still could not see.
When in the depths- I forget this is how healing works. We come round and round again to the same patterns from a different level of awareness that allows for deeper healing, release, and reprogramming and new ways of being.
I’m still in the womb, the chrysalis - doing my best to soak up the fertile space after the void, where the the wisdom and lessons are crystalizing within my consciousness-
Instead of rushing back into action and picking up where I left off - I am allowing the space- to percolate on how I can use my pain & suffering- to normalize the human rollercoaster & create deeper purpose and healing in others peoples lives- for it is cyrstal clear that is part of my souls highest mission & expression.
If I’m honest, more layers of intensity have arrived and after nearly taking my own life last fall, the massive emotional waves that are hitting me now- while they have rocked me intensely- have not shook me to the point of falling back down into the darkness.
I can’t say I haven’t looked up to the heavens as asked “Are you fucking kidding me”- really? More, after that? Ok. I guess I don’t have much of a choice here”
My sacred practices, toolkit, mentorship and community of support are working beautifully
…to help process all that is arising. Dots are connecting and I continue gain clarity as I navigate the unknown and challenging territory.
I am noticing and recognizing the ways I have grown, how I handle this or that in from a more mature, grounded, authentic, courageous space that would have literally scared the shit out of the old me.I am seeing the ways in which my deepest prayers are manifesting in ways I could not have imagined - including what feels like a death of an old version of me.
And the new version of me is in a tender space- knowing there is infinite potential - but also knowingI need to take time to integrate all that has come through- to find a new way of being, of existing - with more light, more meaning, more pleasure, more purpose and more peace.
Over the next few weeks, I intend to share a bit more about some of the core lessons & ideas percolating the fertile soil of my heart & soul.
I sincerely hope that by sharing my story and my process, you gain tidbits of insight, inspiration, hope and knowledge that you are not alone.
Wrapping all of you in my love- as you traverse the intensity that may be arising– as it is literally a crazy AF cosmic time… and I have a feeling that many of your are like me- highly sensitive and empathic- and these times can be really damn hard…
Xoxo,
M
Priestess of Light + Intuitive Healing, Empowerment & Sacred Business Mentor
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